Well, the day finally came. I got released from the Primary. For a few months now, this day seemed so far off, and I was ready. I thought, "It's been over two years. I'm ready to move on. I'm tired, and I'd love to just sit and listen in Relief Society on Sundays." You know.
I had been primary president in my ward in Arizona right before we moved here, so I was only in for six months or so. When I was there, I didn't know what I was doing. I had been in presidencies before, but never in primary, and never as president. My counselors had never been in a presidency before. I didn't know how to delegate responsibilities. I didn't know how to hold meetings. I admit, I didn't even know how we were supposed to pray as a presidency about people to submit for a calling. I was a disaster, I was pregnant, I was tired, and I was so excited to move to Idaho and get away from that dreaded calling. I felt like I failed my bishopric, my counselors, and the children in our ward. I really had a hard time with it. I would cringe when I thought about those few months. But deep down, I knew it would come back to me, because I knew I hadn't learned what I needed to. I hadn't served my "tenure", as they refer to it. Funny how we can't hide from the Lord.
Two years later, when our bishop extended the call to me in this ward, I cried. I was so scared. All those old feelings came back to me. I told him I had felt like a failure, and I was so scared to do it again. But I knew that this call was from the Lord. And it's funny, but I knew, when he had told Neil that he needed to come talk to us that evening, that I was going to be called to this calling again. The Spirit was preparing me. Not that it helped me much. I still broke down in tears. What a dork I was! Poor bishop was probably a little nervous. But what a wonderful bishop we have. He helped me to recognize that I could try again, be better, and fulfill this calling as Heavenly Father intended me to. Like repentance. I got to start over.
I'm so glad that I did. I served with the most wonderful counselors that taught me what delegation was. I didn't make myself feel overwhelmed with responsibilities because when I asked if I needed to do anything they were assigned to, they lovingly told me, "Oh, no. I've got that. That's my job." I understood. They taught me how we pray as a group about the people the Lord wants in the Primary. I learned so much from them. And our bishopric counselor. Our bishopric does so much for this ward! Wow! They're amazing. I'm glad I don't need to worry about ever having that calling! I honestly would never want that responsibility! Their families are wonderful for giving up so much time with them so they can serve in their callings.
Anyway, then today came. I admit, I was a little excited, and not at all sad. I had to conduct in Primary today, though, so it was like any other Sunday - business as usual. Nothing had a chance to sink in yet. I told the kids that I was glad to have served in the primary. They probably didn't hear, and didn't care, anyway. Oh well. They're kids. Who can blame them? I don't remember who my old primary presidents were, and I guess I don't expect them to remember theirs, either. Anyway, after church, one of the boys came up to me and asked, "Sister Price, is this your last Sunday?" I smiled at him and said, "Uh-huh." And he said, "Dang!" It made me smile more. One of the amazing primary teachers came up to me and gave me a hug, and told me thanks. She made me smile. As I walked down the hall after church, people stopped to ask me how I was doing, and how I felt, some to "congratulate" me, and some to say thanks. And I told them it didn't seem real yet. It would probably hit me next week when I'm sitting in Sunday School or Relief Society, feeling a little antsy, and out of place. And THAT'S when it started to hit me. I was really going to miss the Primary. You know how you feel when you're taken out of your comfort zone? You just feel lost and you want to hide? Yeah, I think I might just feel like that a little.
People might wonder how a bishop can really love the people in his ward when he may barely know them, or how our Heavenly Father, or Christ can truly love each of us, when we feel like just a number alone here on earth. I know now that you really honestly love those you serve. Even the ones that you don't really know well personally. Even the ones that are just not like you in any way. Even the ones that you have to constantly remind to sit still and listen, because that's when they'll feel the Spirit, and hopefully everything will click and make sense for them, and they'll gain a testimony of this beautiful gospel, because that's what you really WANT for them. More than anything. Because you truly love them and their growing and learning spirits.
I've grown to love the children in our ward. I love their happy smiles, their quirky comments, their silly questions that I don't know how to compose myself completely from before I answer on the spur of the moment, their sweet prayers, their tender testimonies, their restless seat-dances, their thoughtful questions, the made-up words they sing when they forget the real words to the songs, their little caught-red-handed faces when I find them in the bathroom with a spilled waterballoon all over the floor, the spirit I feel flooding the room when they sing with power the words to a favorite primary song that bears testimony of our Savior. I'm going to miss that. A lot.
It's really starting to hit me.
I had been primary president in my ward in Arizona right before we moved here, so I was only in for six months or so. When I was there, I didn't know what I was doing. I had been in presidencies before, but never in primary, and never as president. My counselors had never been in a presidency before. I didn't know how to delegate responsibilities. I didn't know how to hold meetings. I admit, I didn't even know how we were supposed to pray as a presidency about people to submit for a calling. I was a disaster, I was pregnant, I was tired, and I was so excited to move to Idaho and get away from that dreaded calling. I felt like I failed my bishopric, my counselors, and the children in our ward. I really had a hard time with it. I would cringe when I thought about those few months. But deep down, I knew it would come back to me, because I knew I hadn't learned what I needed to. I hadn't served my "tenure", as they refer to it. Funny how we can't hide from the Lord.
Two years later, when our bishop extended the call to me in this ward, I cried. I was so scared. All those old feelings came back to me. I told him I had felt like a failure, and I was so scared to do it again. But I knew that this call was from the Lord. And it's funny, but I knew, when he had told Neil that he needed to come talk to us that evening, that I was going to be called to this calling again. The Spirit was preparing me. Not that it helped me much. I still broke down in tears. What a dork I was! Poor bishop was probably a little nervous. But what a wonderful bishop we have. He helped me to recognize that I could try again, be better, and fulfill this calling as Heavenly Father intended me to. Like repentance. I got to start over.
I'm so glad that I did. I served with the most wonderful counselors that taught me what delegation was. I didn't make myself feel overwhelmed with responsibilities because when I asked if I needed to do anything they were assigned to, they lovingly told me, "Oh, no. I've got that. That's my job." I understood. They taught me how we pray as a group about the people the Lord wants in the Primary. I learned so much from them. And our bishopric counselor. Our bishopric does so much for this ward! Wow! They're amazing. I'm glad I don't need to worry about ever having that calling! I honestly would never want that responsibility! Their families are wonderful for giving up so much time with them so they can serve in their callings.
Anyway, then today came. I admit, I was a little excited, and not at all sad. I had to conduct in Primary today, though, so it was like any other Sunday - business as usual. Nothing had a chance to sink in yet. I told the kids that I was glad to have served in the primary. They probably didn't hear, and didn't care, anyway. Oh well. They're kids. Who can blame them? I don't remember who my old primary presidents were, and I guess I don't expect them to remember theirs, either. Anyway, after church, one of the boys came up to me and asked, "Sister Price, is this your last Sunday?" I smiled at him and said, "Uh-huh." And he said, "Dang!" It made me smile more. One of the amazing primary teachers came up to me and gave me a hug, and told me thanks. She made me smile. As I walked down the hall after church, people stopped to ask me how I was doing, and how I felt, some to "congratulate" me, and some to say thanks. And I told them it didn't seem real yet. It would probably hit me next week when I'm sitting in Sunday School or Relief Society, feeling a little antsy, and out of place. And THAT'S when it started to hit me. I was really going to miss the Primary. You know how you feel when you're taken out of your comfort zone? You just feel lost and you want to hide? Yeah, I think I might just feel like that a little.
People might wonder how a bishop can really love the people in his ward when he may barely know them, or how our Heavenly Father, or Christ can truly love each of us, when we feel like just a number alone here on earth. I know now that you really honestly love those you serve. Even the ones that you don't really know well personally. Even the ones that are just not like you in any way. Even the ones that you have to constantly remind to sit still and listen, because that's when they'll feel the Spirit, and hopefully everything will click and make sense for them, and they'll gain a testimony of this beautiful gospel, because that's what you really WANT for them. More than anything. Because you truly love them and their growing and learning spirits.
I've grown to love the children in our ward. I love their happy smiles, their quirky comments, their silly questions that I don't know how to compose myself completely from before I answer on the spur of the moment, their sweet prayers, their tender testimonies, their restless seat-dances, their thoughtful questions, the made-up words they sing when they forget the real words to the songs, their little caught-red-handed faces when I find them in the bathroom with a spilled waterballoon all over the floor, the spirit I feel flooding the room when they sing with power the words to a favorite primary song that bears testimony of our Savior. I'm going to miss that. A lot.
It's really starting to hit me.
7 comments:
Tandee that was a sweet post. I know how it is to leave primary... I was in the nursery for 2 years in tempe and was sad when I was released, but I was called to Sunbeams twice and then the ten year olds after that. Me and primary seem to be made for eachother. We are teaching the 15 year olds now so that has been different! BTW I've looked up all your hair blogs and I'm tempted to practice on my own hair since I don't have little girls yet... haha
We'll miss you so much. As if you are really going to be sitting in Sunday school or Relief Society though- you may somehow end up a permanent subsistitute :) J/K We'll try to let you enjoy your down time for a little while. Seriously though- thank you for being such a great role model. I have never been in a presidency before and I learned so much from you. I am thankful that I do not have your calling (or now Sarah's). I am happy to prepare reports and pass out rolls :) We'll miss you and no matter what you think- the kids will too!!! You did a fantastic job as primary president!!!
Wow! Congrats! Like you said it is bitter sweet. I am sure it will sink in soon and it will be sad for a few weeks and then it seems kind of nice. Primary is a lot of fun but I forgot what its like to be in Relief Society. Just so you know, we didn't think you were a failure in AZ. You can't fail at anything! We miss you.
You are awsome!! I know that you did a great job: Addy, who is not attentive to a lot of things came home on sundays and loved primary!!! That means you made it all work:) Good luck with the next challenge life brings:)
Tandee, you made a difference for every child in our ward! Thank you for everything. You are awesome.
Thanks for being such a good example. I really enjoyed serving with you, I too am kinda sad to not be in the Primary anymore. It was a lot of time and effort, but always made me feel that I was doing something so worthwhile. I will probably end up in the nursery most of the time now, hopefully I can get Mylee to realize how much fun it is in there.
Definately bitter sweet! That is how I felt when I was released from the Primary Presidency. NO more finding subs! Yea!! But that also meant no more sweet little smiling faces staring up at you! You did great and I know the kids loved you!
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